rabioheab:

my dog was supposed to be a police dog but he failed the training for it because he was too much of a wimp. the trainers said that when he was supposed to be attacking dummies he’d run up to them and roll over and wag his tail and they also said he was the worst failure they’d ever seen 

gallows-calibrating:

one time I had this dream that I logged on to amazon and my account had like negative four trillion dollars because i accidentally bought the city of Paris

(Source: distractors)